Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
