Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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