Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
