the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
