Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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