My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
