sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
