we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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