so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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