can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
