I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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