"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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