I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
