we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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