Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
