Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
