dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
