Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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