Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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