so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
