I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
