Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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