those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
