Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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