Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
