We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
