You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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