I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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