there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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