OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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