i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
