Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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