shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
