I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
