just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
