I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
