my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
