i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
