If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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