eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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