At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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