Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
