i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
