he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
