the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
