I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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