Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
