i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
