Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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