I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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