The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
