I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
