So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
