It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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