The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
