Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
